In the beginning we mostly got along, with Jeff leaving "The City" fairly often for "work", and I have always been one to worked a lot. We didn't have time to get too pissed at each other and the time apart made the time together better. Seemingly we loved each other...I honestly can't tell you why but on a whim we decided to become Registered Domestic Partners as of April 1st 2009. I really didn't even consider the date until after the process was finished and Jeff mentioned it and we kind of laughed a bit about it. Turns out, the joke was on me... April Fools! and I was one!
We moved into a nice place together. A house in which we rented two (2) rooms to have plenty of space. Two guys already lived at the house, one owed it, the other... well that's another story. The two roommates despised Jeff! Their opinion of him was that he was a compulsive lair and not to be trusted. In fact, the day he left I was told they would call the police on him for trespassing if he ever returned! This due to many things, not the least of which Jeff owed the owner about $300 or so. Mind you, Jeff only lived in this house for one (1) month. Yet they could see all of these things in him that I couldn't! Perhaps I refused to let myself see Jeff for what he truly is. Or maybe I wanted to believe he would "reform" as he still to this day, says he is getting "help" with, but he hasn't changed a bit! One thing is sure, I held on too long!
We had a fight and Jeff claimed that his mother was going to have surgery, so around the first of June he moved out and back to southern California. Things were starting to get a bit, confusing and Jeff seemed to be city hopping and making big decisions without discussion! I had two (2) choices... to trust my instinct and divorce Jeff, or to find out if I was just being overly cautious. I starting to see that most things he said never adding up. I began to see signs of things in him... things that I never thought possible. While I honestly still did care about him at that point, it became toilsome to try and trust anything he said! Since he would never admit anything even if i had hard facts, I started asking around to validate my skepticism. I wanted to make sure I wasn't making a mistake or being paranoid... and I wasn't!
By this point, his actions were pushing me away and making me extremely suspicious, so I went looking for answers. In this case every aspect of Jeff's life was hidden or guarded in some way. I was always pretty easy to find. I have a 9 to 5 type job so u petty much know where I am. He had me cancel my Sprint cell account, and got me a G1 from T-Mobile. Sweet right? Well that phone has this little map application that shows you and your "buddies" where each there are via GPS. Now he always knew exactly whee I was at all times. He often turned his off to hide whatever it was he needed to hide. You can also manually select your location by touching a spot on the map where you want to appear to be. Jeff used that feature quite often as well... particularly when he was down in Southern California.
Obviously, with that came control of my phone, which I use for everything! Not the least of which being work related uses. Jeff loved that he always had the ability to shut off the phone when he got pissed...and he did, often! He had power and control over me which was exactly what he wanted! He had that one (1) thing he could hold over my head. So within the month I got my own account so I didn't have to deal with that anymore! Nothing like needing to be on a conference call for work and having my phone turned off because my husband is upset with me.
In my search for the truth, I began to slowly meet new people, mostly involved with the his industry of choice who have been not just helpful, but true friends! The selflessness still amazes me! But what we found, was so much more than anyone could ever prepare themselves for! First came "Elm", or so he will be called. A great heart, a sassy mouth and an amazing listener, when he isn't talking. He was there for me when nothing made any sense to me and I made little sense to others. Elm was someone I felt I could trust, and a guy that would listen and offer advise that I so badly needed!
Since I've known Jeff he has notoriously had these silly, impromptu visits to the emergency room at all hours of the night, for which he never receives treatment. The most I've seen them do, is give him an Ativan and tell him to calm down or sleep. It just felt like his reason for the theatrics, was to get attention! That's the only logical reason I can think of, though he has proven to be anything but logical!!
Jeff had maintained yet another lie during this entire subterfuge. He said he worked for a company as a "Corporate Flight Attendant". It wasn't hard to notice all the holes in the stories and eventually I called him out on that. He actually admitted that he never worked for any such company. In fact, he was flying or being flown to cities around the country to be a prostitute... of course I have to find out everything on my own! You try and make sure people in your life (entering or exiting) are safe, mentally and physically out of harm's way whether it be from others, or even themselves!
Part Two - Kruezer at Night....
"If only I could be less blind, if only I knew what to find
Everywhere and all of the time, it's bending my mind
Confusion Prince is at my door
The crown I wear is the one he wore
He's here to bring me down some more and bend my mind
The friendly stranger call my name
He only wants me for his game
But it don't matter just the same I bend his mind"
No comments:
Post a Comment